Well I have entered the most difficult, and important race of my life-the one in which I win the honor to have Isaiah call me Mom.
For those of you have adopted an older child-you have been there....some of you it may have happened more seamlessly, others might have struggled more like I am. I will admit I am a little competitive, I don't like loosing, and I never give up. Now this isn't high school and I am not trying to win the Miss Mardi Gras title (hint...didn't win, but was Miss Congeniality), I am not applying for a new job, nor am I trying to get a PR on an upcoming race. I am trying day and night-to get this little guy to *like* me. For Rob it came easy...not sure if it was the lack of hair, the gentle giant exterior or just his loving, caring nature-but he has Isaiah hooked! I am mean I can sit for hours begging for something...Rob walks in and "wham" it happens. Isaiah can be crying and throwing things..Rob walks in and the million dollar smile appears. Now at times I sense the "finally the good guy is here" look..now that is me letting the 5 year old be the bigger person, however when it is just him and I for most of the day, everyday...sometimes the little guy wins.
So here I am, working harder than I ever have-to get this guy to let me in. I will sit for hours and put together a ball puzzle, only for him to roll it once and it breaks apart. I will watch..and if he lets me..play with blocks after our reading/puzzle time contently without words...just giggles when he knocks down a symmetrical palace I have worked on for 30 minutes. I am putting on my best game face (minus the makeup, hair and outfits...just luluemon yoga pants and airdryed hair)and working my tail off to get him to see me more than another "nanny" or "caregiver" and somehow make him feel safe and trust me that I will never, ever give him up.
Today might have been the biggest testament to our journey, on this day I knew he was tired-preschool and the transition to more out of the home time had taken it's toll-but we needed our daily "out of the house time" for both of us. After a quick visit to a good friend at work, we went to Main Street and into the kids playland area. Last time we were there-his interest was mainly the Thomas the Train tables and a doll house-today I vowed...we were doing the playland (okay...he vowed this). So here I am...a "young" 30 something woman, in her sweatpants/sweatshirt crawling/sliding and getting the dry static "shock" that you get in those tight playlands....I giggled and laughed extra loud and silly to encourage the same from him. My hair through the tunnels parrelled the "big hair" era of the 80's I loved...and then we tackled the slide. At first we were okay with hanging on mom's shoulders and then we would go, once I tried to go down first and wait at the bottom...5 minutes later..I emerged...sweaty and out of breathe..from going UP the curvy slide (ah yes it can be done..but not so easily). Well finally he was doing it.....
Now I wasn't able to get the first part but it went something like this "Mom, mom I DID it! Mom Did it!"
Now at that moment-I earned my title as MOM.
.....now not to be the storybook ending, about 10 minutes after this touching scene-he did run away from me in the store and I did have to carry him out kicking/screaming and crying (probably cursing me out as well), but I know going into this the road will be long and I am settled in for the ride.
You are just an amazing mom and I bet since it was said today it will be said more and more as you continue on your family journey!
ReplyDeleteThomas is not nearly as bonded with me as he is with Tom, although the last month or so has been better. I don't know if it is a boy thing or what. And he's incredibly good-natured and easy, so in the big scheme of things, it's just me wanting him to be more in love with his mommy. But you should go back to my blog in July/August/September of 2009 and read about the twins. Holy smokes, that was a tough time. Parenting an "older" internationally adopted child is hard, hard work sometimes. Don't get discouraged, you are not alone and are off to a good start! Contact me any time if you need advice or just want to vent.
ReplyDeleteI second Paula's comments. Teme is much more attached to Scott than me. I just got away for three days and he told me I didn't need to come home. Scott thinks he was trying to be funny, I am not so sure. I also think that a mom's expectations may be higher than a dad's. I am soooo in love with my other three and I want to feel that way for all four of them. It certainly isn't coming naturally or easily.
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